More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."
"I loved her, she loved him, and he loved himself. Now she loves me, he loves her, and I love myself as I am—without her in my life."
"Being a waiter is a waste of time, because think of all that waiting. But it’s better than loving someone who doesn’t love you back, because if you’re going to wait around, you might as well get paid for it."
"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."
"If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I’d store patience. Chocolate-chip patience cookies. And I’d eat them all at one sitting."