More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Now that I’m 33.3 years old, the days of blue and green are behind me. I have left the earthy and entered into the purple phase of my life."
"To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch."
"I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller."
"I am a fisherman among farmers, and as a farmer what I grow is tired of waiting for her to love me."
"I want to sprint into her open arms, but I run as fast as two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire. I’m like Roger Bannister, now that he’s in a wheelchair."