From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I... - Groucho Marx

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself."

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today."

"Humor is reason gone mad."