From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I... - Groucho Marx

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself."

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."