"Half-assing it twice isn’t giving it 100%, but both can be yours for the one-time low-price of half off. Also on SALE now: My love. Order yours today."
"I give 110% in love. If that seems absurd, just know that I used presidential voting machines to calculate that number. It's totally legit."
"I put the sing in single—especially when I’m in the shower. Does anybody have any requests they’d like to shout out while the water’s getting hot? As always, silence all cell phones during the duration of my performance."
"I’ll finish the bottle of wine, while you finish what you were saying about how good it is. If you waste no words, I’ll waste no time."
"Taking a break. Been working solid for the last few hours, as opposed to working liquid, which is more drinkable. Can I pour you a glass of productivity?"
"She plants love, and she grows roses. The fragrance of romance comes from the blossom that blooms in the heart."