More quotes by George Carlin

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."
"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"