Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think femal... - George Carlin

"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."

"It's never just a game when you're winning."

"How is it possible to have a civil war?"

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."