More quotes by George Carlin

"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."
"I think I am, therefore, I am... I think."
"If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase."