More quotes by George Carlin

"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."
"Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."