More quotes by George Carlin

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with."
"I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker."
"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."