"I am the coffee, and God is The Barista. Through me, he may awaken your soul. But the coffee knows not what flows through the mind of The Barista."
"It’s better if you don’t come at all, then come and act like you don’t want to be here. The same applies to there, when I’m there, which is also confusingly here, though it’s not here it’s there."
"I don’t like breakfast, because I like things fixed and slow. Let’s just take our relationship morning by morning."
"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."
"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."
"When it’s raining, instead of using an umbrella, try holding an empty drinking glass above your head. That’s exactly how I thirst for your love."