More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."
"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."
"I'm asexual, though occasionally I'm attracted to inanimate objects. Mainly tube-shaped objects."
"Under the guise of being nice guys, the central bankers have done to the people what no army in history has been evil enough to do."
"I'm all for all for one, especially when I'm the one. That's my philosophy when the dinner bill arrives at the table."