More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard."
"Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely."
"I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria."
"My name is a half an hour early, but my body is on time."
"I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit."