More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping down a dagger."
"As much as I would love to know what you know, I’d much rather eat your brain with a spoon."
"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."
"A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back."
"I have all the things I need to succeed in life, including a bucket of unicorn urine."