"There’s truth in only having a bicycle seat. I used to skip class and just hold it out in the hallway. When teachers would ask me what I was doing, I’d hold it up and say, “Sorry I’m late."
"Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say."
"Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely."
"My answer is nope, so don’t even hope."
"She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to."
"After I’m dead, I want to ghostwrite my autobiography."