"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"I hate when I'm at the grocery store and the person checking me out asks, "Paper or plastic?"It's offensive. As if I'm going to sleep with her just because she has a clever pick up line."
"In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated."
"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."