More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42."