More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"Yesterday I memorized Shakespeare, and tomorrow I'm also going to memorize his first name."
"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."
"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."
"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."