More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."