More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."
"They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants."
"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."