"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."
"I wish the masses of people would all follow my advice, because I'd throw it off a cliff."
"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."
"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."