"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."