I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a t... - Rodney Dangerfield

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

"Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."