Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocke... - Rodney Dangerfield

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."