What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees an... - Rodney Dangerfield

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."