I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the wor... - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, because I was at a funeral."

"The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to the bathroom. But knock first, because I think grandpa’s in there."

"When someone looks at something they don’t understand and they say, “That could be a good thing, or that could be a bad thing,” they’re just highlighting the fact that they have no clue what they are talking about. Everything in the universe, besides God, could be a good or bad thing."

"If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch."

"Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them."