She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with.... - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"There is life, and there is death, and in between there is me. Please don’t wake me up."

"If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch."

"Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave."

"Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard."

"A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back."