"I define myself and grow as a person through emotional torment, so if you love me, you will inflict as much pain on me as you possibly can."
"I am not the Bird of Love I once thought I was. But my silence suggests I may be the Pterodactyl of Love."
"I hate when women give me that look. That overlook."
"You know, if a waitress asks me if I want ketchup with my fries, I’ll reply, “No thanks, I’ll just drink water.” And that’s not just a statement about table etiquette; it’s a personal quote that accurately reflects my moral and philosophical belief system."
"The only thing I could love more than you is two of you. And I suppose three."
"The sunset faded and blended from pink to peach to mango in a smoothie in the sky. For as long as she doesn’t love me, I will love her."