"I don’t need love. I live in a forest. The quiet is my companion. The cold is my warmth. My heart once suffered from frostbite, but I removed and replaced it with a fuel pump."
"I can’t define what love is. That’s like eating a pancake with a waffle instead of a fork. But you know it when you feel it, like petting a cat wearing a synthetic fur coat."
"I am the Guillotine of Love, and I will never lose my head over another woman again."
"I am not the Bird of Love I once thought I was. But my silence suggests I may be the Pterodactyl of Love."
"I found your love like I found religion: in an aluminum trashcan in the middle of the Utah desert."
"The sunset faded and blended from pink to peach to mango in a smoothie in the sky. For as long as she doesn’t love me, I will love her."