"I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time."What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?"
"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."
"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."
"I'm all for all for one, especially when I'm the one. That's my philosophy when the dinner bill arrives at the table."
"Only a fool tells people that only fools buy gold. In the coming future, I’d rather have fool’s gold than dollar bills. Ask Zimbabwe."
"Midnight is Hellen-Kelleresque, so if you ask me if I’m seeing anybody, I’ll ask you what time it is. Answers are always between 12:01 AM to 11:59 PM."