"I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping."
"He’s as tall as a tree, but he fights like a rose bush. What’s with all the scratching? I should cut him down in the name of romance."
"Under the guise of being nice guys, the central bankers have done to the people what no army in history has been evil enough to do."
"Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap."
"When I lost her I gained the future, because she was my past, and she freed me to become who I was born to be."
"Knocking on a door is so violent. Talk on the door. Try to get it to open up through communication, not violence."