More quotes by George Carlin

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"I think I am, therefore, I am... I think."
"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with."
"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"