More quotes by Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

"The bad news is the butcher’s dead. The good news is there’ll be no need for a funeral, and I’ve got enough meat to last for weeks."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More
"Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering the water table of wisdom."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More
"What’s on my mind? I could say you, but we both know I'd be lying. Actually, I'm only pretending that you aren't on my mind. But I know that you don't mind."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More
"Education will only take you so far. To go even further, I’d recommend getting a piggyback ride from a midget half your body weight."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More
"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More