I like to spoon after I fork. - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married."

"I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium."

"I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail?"