More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to write a poem about "Truth,""Honor,""Dignity,"and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it."
"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."
"I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter."
"I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables."
"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."