I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthle... - Dorothy Parker

"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]"

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."