Dorothy Parker

"I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid."

"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]"

"The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back."

"If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)"

"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."

"If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)"

"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy."

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."

"I hate writing, I love having written."

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."

"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."

"It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day."

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."

"Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt."

"By the time you swear you're his,Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is,Infinite, undying.Lady make note of this --One of you is lying."

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."

"And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."