Dorothy Parker

"I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid."

"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."

"If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)"

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

"And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word."

"If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)"

"It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day."

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."

"I hate writing, I love having written."

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."

"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy."

"If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)"

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."

"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy."

"Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt."

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."

"By the time you swear you're his,Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is,Infinite, undying.Lady make note of this --One of you is lying."