"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]"
"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."
"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."
"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy."