More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She said she loved me, and I didn’t believe it for a minute. Maybe 59 seconds, but not a whole minute. I may be gullible, but I’m not without an accurate way to measure time."
"I need to be gentler, I said definitively to myself, as I clenched my fist and shook it in the air. Love takes flight like two powerful wings, but hits like a collection of feathers."
"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."
"Only a fool would say they’re not a fool. Well, I am not a fool, which is why I say I am a fool."
"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."