More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."
"I'm so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and I think I'm finally ready to enter into organized crime."
"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."
"I hate when I'm at the grocery store and the person checking me out asks, "Paper or plastic?"It's offensive. As if I'm going to sleep with her just because she has a clever pick up line."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."