More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."