More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant."
"If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them."
"I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob."
"I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42."
"If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time."