More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was."
"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."
"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."
"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."