More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."
"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."
"If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave."
"When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant."
"I hate when I'm at the grocery store and the person checking me out asks, "Paper or plastic?"It's offensive. As if I'm going to sleep with her just because she has a clever pick up line."