I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wo... - Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
"I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep."
"I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."