More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops."
"Yesterday I memorized Shakespeare, and tomorrow I'm also going to memorize his first name."
"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."