More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."
"If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave."
"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."