More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."
"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines."
"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."