I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."