I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Lat... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable."

"I want to get the words "Courage"and "Bravery"tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me."

"I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."