More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."
"I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible."
"I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married."
"I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium."
"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."