More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to write a poem about "Truth,""Honor,""Dignity,"and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it."
"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."
"I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail?"
"I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming."
"I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it."