More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married."
"I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half."
"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."
"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."
"I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables."