More quotes by George Carlin

"Meow” means “woof” in cat."
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."
"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."