In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. - George Carlin

"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."

"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

"How is it possible to have a civil war?"

"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."