In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. - George Carlin

"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."

"Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood."

"Electricity is really just organized lightning"

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."