More quotes by George Carlin

"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."
"I think I am, therefore, I am... I think."
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."
"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."