It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help... - George Carlin

"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"

"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"