I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot... - George Carlin

"Meow” means “woof” in cat."

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood."

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."