I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot... - George Carlin

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."

"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."