I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot... - George Carlin

"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."

"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood."